So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
