We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
