hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
