when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
