Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
