OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
