She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
