So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Pooping to opera.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
