Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
