In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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