why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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