He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
