Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
