i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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