Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
