I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
