I'm so fucking centered right now
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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