I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We smell like vodka and hangover
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