Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
