My room smells like vodka and shame
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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