ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I party with great urgency now.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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