we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
