i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
