Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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