Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
