evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
