I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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