next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
