I have demons in me.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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