You're my little dorito
I just saw a hot homeless man
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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