I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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