Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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