and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
As shirtless as possible
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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