her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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