so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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