Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
you never un-have a 4some
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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