I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
this just has baby written all over it
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
