Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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