Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
