I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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