I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
