she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
