Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
