thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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