So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
