Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
