I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
