found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
