Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
