I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
