I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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